Monday, December 31, 2018

Deus noster refugium / God is our refuge and strength - Psalm 46

Psalm 46 Deus noster refugium
  God is our refuge and strength, *
a very present help in trouble. 
  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be moved, *
and though the mountains be toppled into the depths of the sea; 
  Though its waters rage and foam, *
and though the mountains tremble at its tumult. 
  The LORD of hosts is with us; *
the God of Jacob is our stronghold.
Deus noster refugium = God is our refuge and strength
Do I believe it?
I'm not sure. I suppose so. God is there when bad things happen, though rarely does He/She stop them from happening. I have felt, though, that because I listened to inspiration in my head and heart, the outcome was better.
Have I ever felt that way?
When S. became aware of his addiction, and I was forced to pay attention as well, I was led to al anon and from al anon to SMC. Though I thought that I couldn't even mourn my faith crisis, I was led to a safe landing spot with a Priest who listened and helped me on my journey more than he or I even realized.

When Ammon was born, S.'s meeting was cancelled and he was home with me to drive me to the hospital.
Do I feel that way now? 
I feel that God is with me when things happen. I feel like He/She is with me now, and that when I get to a point when something goes wrong, He/She will be with me there as well.
God is mindful of me and has inspired me what to do when I've needed to know.

Many years ago, when I went to pick up my kids from school and had Bentley and Michael in the van with me, my mind thought back on earlier that day when I chose the van to drive for the day over the car.
I had gotten off of the freeway and was following the road around the big curve and my mind was thinking on "How does God know to warn us and protect us when something bad happens? Is it predestination? When the Big Bang happened, did everything in life happen at that precise moment and we are just living in a very slowed-down process of that very moment?"
And then, as I came to a complete stop in the middle of the highway at the intersection that had no turn lane, the car behind me slowed down to stop, and the car behind her slammed into us both. And at that moment, I was thankful I'd chosen the van to drive that day. And yet I was no closer to knowing how God knew...


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